It's not all candy and bliss~~!

So, the b-mom has disappeared. On purpose. It's getting weird and at first I was okay... but being in the office, surrounded by adoptees who are searching, have found, could not find, or just don't want to find their birthparents. It's stirring up all kinds of strange feelings that I don't feel prepared to deal with. Anyway, it's been strange. Although, I have always known that coming here would bring on a lot of stuff, I guess I didn't anticipate working at a post-adoption services agency where those issues would be thrown in my face everyday. I love working there. I love the people I work with. I love the people I've met working there... but it's just a lot, I guess.

Anyway... She's gone again. Last December when she changed her mind and decided not to meet me, I was okay. Really, truly, honestly okay. She had about two weeks to prepare herself to meet the daughter she let go twenty some years ago. She has a new family. She has a new life. It's completely understandable. I was fine. ...but she has now completely disappeared... on purpose. Just knowing that Holt knew her number and where she lived and who she is and that she is alive and okay and all that stuff... that made me feel better, ya know? Now, I'm back at square one. Now, I'm back to walking around Korea, wondering as every woman who looks around 40 passes me, "Does she look like me? Do I have her nose? Could she be mine?" Now, I'm back to driving myself crazy. I would not have made her meet me against her will. I just wanted to know where she was and that she was okay. That's all. Now, she's just one of those Koreans out there.

Aside from that, my only other worry is the teaching thing. I'm falling in love with the kids (especially the ones who drive me up the wall)~~! However, something is distrubing me, and I can't get it out of my mind. I can't make peace with this one thing... Today, I was writing progress reports, and I found myself writing the following: "At first he seemed to want to play more than learn..." I stopped myself and thought about why. HE'S A CHILD! Let me explain his weekday schedule.

8-3 School
3:30-5:30 English School
6:00-8:00 Math School
8:00-9:00 Piano Lessons
9:00-??? Homework
He said he usually goes to bed around 11 or 12.

These are children who are not allowed to play. All day, they are in some kind of school, being told to sit down, focus, learn, stop play, stop talking, stop stop stop stop stop!! It makes me sad. They're just being kids, right? What kind of life is that? I also realized today, that I have employment all summer... which means that these kids are going to be going to English school all summer. I asked Inseon about it, and he said they have off of regular school, but they still go to the afterschool schools. WHAT? So... when are these kids allowed to play and be kids? I am going to stop whining about my responsiblities because my 1o year old students play less than I do.

...It's like George Michael Bluth once said, "They’re grown-ups, they’re allowed to have fun whenever they want! We’re kids, we’re supposed to be working!"

On that note... I have to go finish these tiny people's progress reports...

I love you~~~~!